Why Are You Reading This?

Wed, April 9, 2003

Why Are You Reading This?

why are you also reading this?

If you're reading this, then there's one thing I can definitively say about you: you're reading this. And I truly love you for it. And I do hope that you're having a good time. But... why?

I just finished writing a review of one of my favorite TV shows, Ed. The last step before publishing the column is to read through it for typos or spots where I have rambled so much that whole sentences fail to make sense. (Yeah, I actually look for that. The rambling, indecipherable lunacy that you read on the site has actually been trimmed down.) So, I just finished writing a review of Ed. Which means I just finished reading my review of Ed. And, aside from the oh-so-witty title, I was left wondering, "where's the review?"

The entire column boils down to a few lines of talking about why Ed is good and how it could improve, and the rest is just me whining about how frustrating unrequited love is. I can say this for it: it's a lot like having a conversation with me in real life.

Because I'm in love with my own Carol Vessey. The popular, sweet, beautiful, awe-inspiring, perfect cheerleader girl from high school. Only, unlike Ed, I didn't take a break from my crush between high school and now, I just kept right on loving one-way. And we're friends, and she's engaged (to someone else), and I'm still whining about it. And everyone who knows me knows about it, and she knows about it. (As usual, she wouldn't even take a break from being perfect long enough to be uncomfortable.) So it's really pointless for me not to name names here, except that on top of all the other grief that she puts up with as a result of my feelings, that would be a really crummy addition to the results she'd get if she typed her name into a search engine.

So, I'm reading the Ed review, and I'm laughing to myself that it's so nice that I'm not actually writing reviews for any real publication, because they'd hassle me with requirements like "review the damn show." I start off talking about Ed and two or three weak segues later, it's just free therapy by keyboard. I was reminded how exciting it is to have a quick-and-easy forum for my thoughts, and I was pleased with myself for taking advantage of it. And then I thought "Yeah, but... who wants to read this?"

I guess it's the ultimate post-modern narcissism. The same thing that makes people try out to be on Meet My Folks or Temptation Island. The concept of "I'm so fascinating, if I just drop myself into mainstream mass media, I'll catch on!" Well, here's hoping. (If perchance I have caught on, I have a Wish List on Amazon.com, buy me something!)

Not that I'm trying to put you down for reading. I'm glad you do! Nor that I'm trying to criticize my self-involved view of my world. I'm no worse than the rest, it just tickles me that in addition to seeing value in collecting my random musings, I also see value in making them available to a global audience. Worthy of pondering, I guess. What a riot!

If you've gotten this far, I can say one of two things about you: you've read this whole column, or you've at least scrolled past it. My undying appreciation and respect in either case. I hope it's been enjoyable. I had a fine time typing it, but I don't look forward to the next step -– reading through it to tighten it up.