Mon, June 9, 2003

I remember eating dinner in San Diego in the mid-1990s with my parents and my sister. It was a nice restaurant (elegant but casual) and we were dining on the back patio overlooking the ocean. A lady walked by with a basketful of red roses and offered to sell one to my Dad so he could give it to my Mom.

Dad: Oh, no thanks. We're married.

Flower Lady: Romance is never dead.

Dad: No, to each other.

I like this story because of how adorable my Dad is. I can't say for sure that my Mom wouldn't have appreciated the flower, but it's not really about that. In my mind, the story is about the sense of humor that they share and how that is probably among the things that has kept them together for so long.

Today, my parents celebrate the thirtieth anniversary of their marriage, and I am so proud of them. As I've indicated before, their marriage has created some impossible ideals that I've striven for in relationships, which can be frustrating at times but I wouldn't have it any other way. Better to have an example to strive toward without ever reaching than to be trying to find my own way in opposition to a bad example. They are great friends and they have so much in common in terms of interests and ideology that they just get along very well. They are very romantic and very comfortable together. Not that it's necessarily perfect every day, but they're a good team and they know that they can depend on one another. My sister and I keep them entertained enough that they never get bored.

In an era in which fewer and fewer marriages have any lasting power, I've always counted myself greatly blessed to have parents who are still together and happy after all these years. Do they also know how fortunate they are? I think so. They each have someone kind and honest and caring to come home to, and they each know what love is. In the rare case that things are frustrating, they both believe strongly – as I do – in history. All the years they've shared have contributed to a knowledge of each other that's simply unparalleled anywhere else. My Mom has said that at the time her father died she thought about this; anyone she met after that wouldn't have been through it with her the way my Dad had been. It's a valuable insight. I think history is an important part of any friendship and theirs is like the greatest friendship of all.

You never know where your life will lead you. Will you be a different person in thirty years? Will your wants or needs be different? Will your tastes have changed? I think it's very powerful when two people can still be the right fit for each other through all of those fluctuations and challenges and new experiences. Congratulations, Mom and Dad!

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