Mon, February 26

Huh?—11:12 AM

After an Oscar night full of mind-boggling surprises, we've crowned a winner in the fifth annual onebee Oscar pool – for the first time, the winner is not a founding member of the pool (another mind-boggling surprise). It's Charli Schuler (a gal from Andy's work) with a very respectable 148 points. That's easily in the top ten high scores all-time, in a year in which many categories took some seriously unexpected turns.

At least, they were unexpected if you spent far too much time researching your picks. Those of us who agonized over whether to split our Best Picture votes between The Departed and Babel did not fare as well as those who thought, "I just liked Alan Arkin's performance more than Eddie Murphy's." Lesson learned.

Also learned: Best Foreign Language Film is like the shorts categories – you have to attend a screening of all the nominees before your vote counts. So, while Pan's Labyrinth ran away with the Typical Idiot Oscar Voter vote in many categories, the heralded The Lives of Others took the Thoughtful Foreign Film Viewer vote in the Best Foreign Language Film category, where Pan's Labyrinth was thought to be a lock. And, I was dead right about Dreamgirls and best song. Don't put points on Hairspray next year, kiddies!

In other shocking awards news, the Movie Tournament (of Movies) came down to the charming and acerbic Stranger Than Fiction and the charming and meandering Cars. With the voting tied at press time, I was called upon to cast a tie-breaker vote, and since Cars wasn't even good enough to win Best Animated Feature away from fucking Happy Feet of all things, I went with Stranger Than Fiction. It's certainly a worthy movie – funny, offbeat, and intriguing, it landed in my top five movies of last year. Will Ferrell is enjoyable without overreaching; Maggie Gyllenhaal is gorgeous (yep!) warm, and vulnerable; and Dustin Hoffman is a delight. In a rare sullen and cynical turn, Emma Thompson is very fun to watch. I don't know if it should have won the Original Screenplay award, but it surely should have been nominated.

Thanks to all who voted! It's been a fun, if bamboozling, Oscar season.

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Fri, February 23

2007 Onebies

This is onebee's first crack at its very own mismanaged, unfair awards show. (Why should fancy Hollywood types get to have all the fun?) If you'd like, we'll put the system on trial! (Read more.)

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Grace on Security Theater—2:28 PM

A scene from this morning:

Grace: What's that?

Brandon: That's the toothpaste Jameson brought with him.

Grace: Why didn't he bring a normal tube?

Brandon: You can't take big tubes on the plane now. That's the new rule.

Grace: Why is that a rule?

So, there you go, TSA. A five-year-old can figure out that this is a dumb system. Can you exhibit a greater appreciation for reasonable behavior than a preschool kid? The gauntlet has been thrown down.

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What of the Onebies?—12:42 PM

A couple of months ago, while I was whining about the Golden Globes having followed the Oscars into a void of meaninglessness, a swarthy agitator suggested I put my money where my mouth is and create my own awards show. As if onebee needs more traditions for this time of year!

Nevertheless, I aim to please. I was originally going to set this up as a voting affair, like the Movie Tournament (of Movies) – or maybe even a nominating and voting thing, like the actual Oscars. But there wasn't really time for that, and it would probably make sense to gauge the level of interest before I put all that machinery into place. So, this year, the Onebies are just my picks, but I'd love to hear your ideas about how we should proceed in the future.

For one thing, there are the categories. I wanted to shake up the current list and address some of its flaws. (For example, separating "boy actors" from "girl actors" and "animated movies" from "real movies.") And I wanted to add categories that I think have been lacking, like finding a way to recognize movies that are excellent, but don't revolve around a weepy personal struggle or grand political statement. (This became the separation between "films" and "movies.") But this year's list doesn't necessarily feel perfect. There are bound to be a few changes in the categories in the early years – just like there were in the Oscars. Your input is certainly welcome.

Another idea would be to take it in more of a Golden Globes direction. My film/movie distinction is patterned after their well-intentioned but wrong-headed drama/comedy-musical split, but they also put TV shows in their awards. I think it would be great to do this, but I didn't do it this year for two reasons: I had way too many categories already, and it still kind of sucks that we're in the middle of a TV season when the movie awards season comes around. I'm not sure how to address that, whether I should take the Globes' example and award shows mid-season, or reach way back and award shows from the September 2005-May 2006 season in January 2007. It's kind of a conundrum.

So, I'd love to hear from onebee's core readers: would you want to participate in nominating or voting for next year's Onebies? (If so, should it replace the Movie Tournament (of Movies)?) Should the categories change? Let me know.

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Vote Today!—10:02 AM

If you'd have asked me a month ago to bet which movies would end up in the final round of this year's Movie Tournament (of Movies), these two would probably have been sixth and third from the bottom of my list. Shows what I know! The (movie) gods are fickle and mysterious!

Anyway, vote for your favorite all weekend and we'll announce a winner Monday, roughly 12 hours after AMPAS finishes announcing all their stupid, undeserving, crappy winners. (But, hey. Good for Marty.)

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Thu, February 22

Weird Database Outages—6:42 PM

The website has had some strange outages; I haven't been able to confirm exactly what was causing the problem, but it had something to do with the database connections. I've come up with a temporary solution to get us back online.

Apparently this was happening all day. (It would be the only day I'm traveling and not checking the site every five frickin' minutes...) Anyway, if you tried to vote in the Movie Tournament (of Movies) earlier or store your votes in the Oscar pool – try again now. Things should be working smoothly again.

Sorry for the inconvenience!

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Wed, February 21

Hello, Moto!

Survivor slogs onward in an early doldrums during which precious little happens. (What did I tell you? 18 is too many people!) (Read more.)

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Round Three!—8:13 AM

Firstly, sorry no Movie Tournament (of Movies) poll showed up on the home page yesterday. I created it, but I forgot to put it in the bin that gets displayed on the home page – and once again, nobody hassled me about it. Sorry, kids!

So, the last matchup of Round Two and the first matchup of Round Three are attached to this post (you'll have to click through to the post to see both), and they're also available at the MTM: The voting so far link.

Sorry about that; but get your votes in, because all the Round Two matchups close out tonight at midnight so we can start the other Round Three matchup.

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Mon, February 19

Oscar Picks 2007!

On Sunday, they'll be distributing another haul of the least deserved Oscars in a generation. We can't stop them; we can't change their backwards thinking. All we can do is mock them mercilessly and wager on their silly choices. (Read more.)

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Fri, February 16

Round Two Underway!—9:51 AM

Yesterday was our first matchup in round two of this year's Movie Tournament (of Movies). And the surprises keep coming. Scorsese's brain-matter-spewfest jumped to an early lead over Will Ferrell's charming character study of a guy who thinks too much and the woman who created him. But then Stranger Than Fiction leapt ahead in the late running.

Similarly, The Queen was trouncing Pan's Labyrinth in their round one matchup until a day or two ago. Methinks some creepy semi-humanoid green oily fairies began stuffing the ballot box, but that's fine by me! This was never meant to be a scientific study – if anyone's passion compels them to vote twice, I say good for them. (I admit going to such lengths in Tidball's "Choose or Perish" tournament on one occasion.)

But my favorite news is this: catching up on an old issue of "Wired" magazine, I uncovered the existence of the Global Earth Observing System of Systems – which monitors the planet with various instruments to someday predict hurricanes, etc. I don't remember what initially compelled me to title this contest the "Movie Tournament (of Movies)" but I get the sense that everyone has been very patient with me about that absurd title – only more so as time goes by and the initial inventive cuteness wears off. So, I'm blissfully excited to have found a sibling in the GEOSS. In some utterly tangential way, I feel this legitimizes my silly choice.

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Thu, February 15

The Cocktail Party Effect—1:25 PM

Lost did a nice little episode last night. A kind of Groundhog Day/Matrix Reloaded/"The Why of Fry"/Final Destination thing. It was enjoyable and intriguing, and focused almost entirely on Desmond – which is nice because Henry Ian Cusick is easily the most interesting actor on the show.

The only drawback is that there are all these tangential distractions from this story: Jack, Ben, and Juliet; Kate and Sawyer; Hurley and the survivors on the beach; Charlie and Claire; Walt and Michael (?); Jin and Sun; Sayid and Locke; the Others; the Dharma Initiative; Alex (so she's Ben and Danielle's kid?). In reality, each of these could be seen as the central story with the others as tangential distractions. I see the Desmond/Penny as the main one because it makes the most sense as the backbone – his arrival on the island commenced the weird shit (even though Ben's mini-city was theoretically already there, and perhaps that was preceded by the Dharma folks). Also, the Oracle/jeweler told Desmond he's the key, so that makes him seem somewhat pivotal. But I think it's still mostly my choice to interpret the story this way. Surely there are people who still see the whole thing as Jack and Kate's love story – there's nothing wrong with that.

I think this realization about how I perceive the Lost story pinpoints my disappointment with a lot of season three. They ended the last season by revealing that Penny knows something about Desmond's location (at the very least, she knows magnetic field disturbances provide a clue) and she's still searching for him. Ever since, we've had no update on that end of the story, and that's a big part of what bugs me. Sure, updates have been scant on a lot of the stories. Where the hell has Kiele Sanchez been, for one thing? But Desmond and Penny's story is the main one I'm still interested in, since the whole bit between Jack and the Others has become too pretzeled to even decode any more and Kate has essentially run off with Jason Affolder so she's dead to me.

I don't claim it makes a whole lot of sense, but if you're looking for an answer to the "Why do you still watch Lost?" question, I guess this is it. We each come up with our own weird reasons. The whole fate/determinism/time travel paradox happens to tantalize me just enough.

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Wed, February 14

So Soon?

Two mini idols, nicknames run wild, and no decent Amazing Race to dull the pain – this should be a coup-worthy Survivor season, indeed. (Read more.)

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Round One Concludes!—10:16 AM

The final matchup in round one of this year's Movie Tournament (of Movies) is active now. Starting tomorrow, we'll begin voting on the next round of matchups (though voting in first round matchups will remain open until a winner must advance).

So far, it's looking like a sweep for the Best Picture nominees. This means one of two things: we've got five tremendously fantastic Best Picture nominees this year, or I didn't do a very good job designing the bracket. I'm leaning towards the latter.

Which smells like an opportunity for discussion. The Movie Tournament (of Movies) shall continue, of course. Just because a system is deeply flawed doesn't mean we stop playing (see, "Democracy, American"; "Football Championship, BCS"). But, for the sake of conversation, which movies do you think should have been included in this year's tournament?

Andy has already posted his dream list (and I was tempted to include Children of Men, but it just wasn't as substantial as it thought it was) – who else has some picks?

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Fri, February 9

About the New Me

An update to a fairly meaningless quiz I received by e-mail four years ago. (Read more.)

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Wed, February 7

Round One Continues!—8:35 AM

Round one in this year's Movie Tournament (of Movies) is off to a roaring start!

To make your lives easier, I added each day's latest poll to the homepage, so you don't have to go hunting for the right place to submit your votes. (Although, if you need to catch up on previous matchups, follow the More Voting link!)

Today, it gets even better, because now the poll on the homepage is actually working! Sorry about that, kiddies! I dashed off the code in a hurry on my way to work and I skipped a crucial step. I'm amazed three people voted without one of them e-mailing to harass me over that little fuckup yesterday. I'm not sure how to interpret that – have I accustomed you to such a low level of service that you've just given up? Or did you just assume I was on the task (let me assure you, I was completely oblivious)?

Anyway, onward! Keep making your voice heard, and remember – it's not important that you've seen these films, only that you keep ranking one over another!

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Mon, February 5

The voting begins!—9:46 AM

Check this space daily to make your voice heard in this year's Movie Tournament (of Movies). We'll vote weekdays this month and crown a winner the Monday after Oscar. Happy voting!

We begin by pitting mustachioed wordsmith Will Shortz against precocious photo printer shill Abigail Breslin. Some of us are voting for which movie we like more; some go by which is the more "important" or "artistically relevant" film – but let's face it, most of us just vote for which one we hate less.

To paraphrase Churchill: "The annual onebee Movie Tournament (of Movies) is the worst possible system, except for all the others." Go to it, in the name of freedom!

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Fri, February 2

Back to the (movies)—9:03 AM

It's been a weird year for movies. Very few have lived up to their potential, and a glut of bizarre, self-important Oscar bait has clogged theatres for practically as long as I can remember.

Nevertheless, we soldier on. We search for closure in the annual Movie Tournament (of Movies). Vote weekdays this month, starting next Monday, and we'll crown a winner on the Monday after the Oscars. When all else seems lost, at least we'll still have our say. Such as it is.

As you'll recall, there's a complex, unfair formula that goes into picking the films for each year's tournament. The top seeds go to the Best Picture winners because – in a sense – they've earned it. In another, more accurate, sense, it's just fun to see if they can hold up against movies that were not judged award-worthy, but were more enjoyable, interesting, or fulfilling. (Not that I'm trying to define what a good movie should be or anything.)

After that, it's a hazy calculation, taking into account how much I liked a movie, how much critical acclaim it seemed to get, its box office success, its general buzz, and whether or not it was in goddamn English. It's a not-uncontroversial process, but so far we've picked some mighty fine winners, so what the hell, let's try it again.

The films in contention this year:

#1 Seeds

Little Miss Sunshine
The Departed
The Queen
Letters from Iwo Jima

#2 Seeds

Babel
The Prestige
Stranger than Fiction
Borat

#3 Seeds

Inside Man
United 93
Casino Royale
Cars

#4 Seeds

Wordplay
An Inconvenient Truth
Pan's Labyrinth
Snakes on a Plane

If you like, you can download a PDF bracket to start planning. Check back to track the voting so far.

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Thu, February 1

The English Patient Effect

Pan's Labyrinth doesn't live up to expectations. (That's fine; few films do.) Where it gets sticky is when the film critic community hails it as the pinnacle of cinematic achievement. (Read more.)

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