Thu, July 29

Anybody But Bush: Anybody Else?—11:34 PM

Admittedly, I only saw the snippets on The Daily Show, but I really like what Al Sharpton had to say at the DNC, and I like it even more since all the TV pundits are so horrified by it. (They whined for weeks in advance that the convention was too choreographed, too predictable; then the minute something unexpected happens - Sharpton going off-book? Shocker! - they get huffy.) He remains the most charismatic of the original nine candidates, and the most forcefully direct. He's as fearless as Kucinich – they're equally unelectable, so they can just speak the truth without worrying over the political consequences. Kucinich just has the misfortune of being white, so he's had to root his unelectability in being a loony. Sharpton was born unelectable, so he can be a well spoken straight shooter and cut out most of the goofiness. I like him.

And, he's the latest addition to the list of people I'd rather vote for than John Kerry. I'm a staunch Anybody But Bush voter, but it's a shame that Kerry is the absolute last of the anybodies. In order of how likely I'd vote for them for president:

Anybody else in America
Kerry
Cheney
Bush

Third from last: kind of sad. With such a large movement behind the Anybody But Bush vote, it seems a shame that the Democrats couldn't come up with someone who is more acceptable than Bush by a wide margin. Instead we have the guy who's preferable by the narrowest possible margin. The Daily Show calls Kerry "the least objectionable of the alternatives to Bush," but out of the pack of nine, I'd have much preferred Dean, Kucinich, Sharpton, or Clark before him. And I'd gladly elect McCain or Biden before any of them.

And this is the convention of my guys! I shudder at the thought of how incensed I'll be by the coverage of the GOP convention next month. I think I'll have to bake my head into a cake just to block it out.

8 comments with related links

This sounds like such an excellent idea, Part II—1:12 PM

Cell Phone at Movie Leads to 2 Arrests [The (Lakeland, FL) Ledger]

This is exactly the sort of thing we should be doing. Only we shouldn't need to bother police officers with it. All filmgoers should be armed with tasers and pepper spray. (Remember, "refrain" means "don't do it.")

(By the way, "Witnesses said the pair did nothing wrong." What?! Talking at all, cell phone or not, during the movie is something wrong.)

3 comments with related links

Experimental Film—11:57 AM

Oh, so I forgot to mention, in regards to "The Spine" which I've been chattering on and on about, the video for the new single, "Experimental Film" is available online – exclusively – at Homestar Runner, which is a site that, of course, you all know and love (and love).

It's a rockin' song and a very fun video, directed by Strong Sad. So, enjoy it, meet the scalps of Flansy and Linnell, and learn more than you ever wanted to know about the life of an ATM. (And, don't forget! The answer to #3 is "Appomattox.")

1 comment with related links

Wed, July 28

Finally, a reason to watch the DNC—1:26 PM

DNC: 'Triumph' ejected from hall [Lost Remote]

Triumph the insult comic dog has reportedly been booted out of the Fleet Center for getting on people's nerves. Apparently, Eminem isn't the only one who can't handle Triumph's sassy style. Here's hoping this yields lots of fun footage on Conan tonight.

0 comments

Real News Sucks—10:11 AM

Surprise! Jon Stewart and Ana Marie Cox are the most incisive and entertaining of those covering the DNC, according to – well, everyone.

No Holds Barred [WP]

(Ironically, the article mentions that Good Morning America, the show that fired Stephen Colbert after just a few days, is now seeking him for guest appearances. Colbert is God!)

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Tue, July 27

"The Spine" is here!—9:42 AM

My copy of TMBG's "The Spine" arrived today, so I'm taking down the links from the left column. It's really good though. You should totally buy or download it.

(Okay, it might've arrived yesterday, but yesterday was a sick day, so I wasn't in. That's why your poker column's late. Sorry, kids!)

This album includes the song "I Can't Hide From My Mind," which we heard Flansy singing into the Dial-A-Song machine in Gigantic and I always hoped would show up on an album somewhere:

I've got my house surrounded
I know I'm in there
Come out with both my hands up
Don't make me come in and get me

Such a huge majority of the Dial-A-Song tunes never make it into the studio, so I knew it was a silly dream, but today it has come true. Hurrah!

0 comments

Sat, July 24

Poker today!—12:35 PM

Check back on Monday for a grueling account of yet another miserable poker defeat. (The tournament starts in about 90 minutes.)

Remember this, from April's tournament recap?

I'm sure I'll go out third in the next tournament

Well, I had to miss the May tourney, but I did go out fourth in June, which is pretty close! I hope to do better today. (If I can at least make the final 20, I'll have played enough poker to write a recap – keep your fingers crossed for me, and I'll try to play tighter at a ten-person table!)

0 comments with related links

Defamer link lag roundup—9:38 AM

Paramount will make a movie out of The Watchmen, which will be awesome. Actually, it will be awesome if done right. As you may recall from my non-review of the book, I found it compelling and elegantly plotted. However, as we've all seen (ahem-Catwoman), great comic characters can be ruined on the big screen. With Aronofsky attached, there's a 50%-60% chance of ruin. Here's hoping this project will switch directors as often as most, and Bryan Singer will be tapped to take over. I hate to go with the obvious choice of "Comic Book Movie Guy," but so far only he has done justice to a comics-based ensemble of characters. Tim Burton and Sam Raimi have done well bringing smaller casts to life in film, but I get the sense that Raimi isn't interested in doing more comics, and I get the sense that nobody really takes Burton seriously any more (here's hoping Willy Wonka can change that!). (Raimi would be great, though; the characters of Watchmen are even more tortured and conflicted than Raimi's Peter Parker.)

Also on tap, Transformers from DreamWorks. Thank God this is going to be live-action. That has to be the single greatest sidestep of a surefire movie-destroying decision in recent memory. An animated – or worse, computer-animated ("from the makers of Shrek!!") version would've been silly and gay. A live-action version has lots of promise. It can still be ruined, mind you, but I'm betting/hoping it won't. The word is that Spielberg is staying involved in this one; maybe they'll give it to Sonnenfeld. As long as they preserve that awesome "transforming" sound effect from the animated TV series they'll be all right. And it'll be fun that all those cool kids with their super-hip Decepticon car window decals will suddenly appear to be shilling for the movie. I always regretted not getting one of those – now, the joke's on them! I still fondly remember the Christmas that Rodimus Prime was the Tickle Me Elmo of that year, and it took a cross-country search to get me one. (Thanks, Aunt Kibbie!)

And, finally, Bright/Kauffman/Crane have made the most regrettable mistake of their short and ignoble careers: they're removing Ashley Scott from Joey. Ashley Scott! She, the best young actress TV has seen since - ever! Well, anyway, I love her.

1 comment with related links

Fri, July 23

This sounds like such an excellent idea—9:41 AM

FBI Cites Threat To News Vehicles at DNC [Lost Remote]

0 comments

Thu, July 22

Taliband

Some dark-skinned Syrian guys lead one airplane passenger to utter panic, even after they're revealed as harmless musicians. I guess the terrorists aren't going to flight schools any more – they're going to conservatories. (Read more.)

1 comment with related links

What it means to be a pro—4:49 PM

A CD full of images came into our office today from the production of Cast Away. (We're right on the cutting edge of those four year old movies!) Actually, a co-worker is writing a story for the USC alumni magazine about the 75th anniversary of the film school and Zemeckis graduated the program in '73, so the story is just doing the usual pimping of celebrity alums.

Anyway, among the haul was the following shot (one of only two that actually feature Bobby Z), and it made me crack a smile.

I said, "Oh, come on. He's obviously posturing for the still photographer. They have little viewfinders you can use to line up a shot – what if his hands aren't creating a 1.85:1 frame? Then his shot will be off!"

So, just for fun, I decided to see how close he was. As it turns out, damn close. The man is a pro! You always hear stories (okay, once, from the weird kid "Weird Jamie" in our film class) about how Kubrick could walk onto a set, and just from the heat on his skin tell the DP that he was a quarter-stop under. Zemeckis may not be able to do that, but he can frame up a perfect 16-by-9 by hand!

0 comments with related links

(Mournful violin solo)—3:47 PM

No more dull, uninspired, cookie-cutter film scores for us. Hollywood's most prolific and least creative composer has gone to that great scoring session in the sky.

Jerry Goldsmith, composer, dies [USAT]

0 comments

Scarcity: not declining, approaching terminal velocity—10:34 AM

Disappearing channel scarcity [Seth's Blog via Lost Remote]

What happens, I asked, when Tivo has Java and TCP/IP and there's a million channels?

The people in the TV business can't imagine this. They can't imagine a world where there might be 20 A&E networks, or where there might be a channel just for shows on how to build a model airplane.

I disagree. I see it going the other way. If TiVo really takes hold (please God, please God, please God), I think, before too long, what you'll see is fewer channels hosting more shows on each. There will be no more need for "prime time" because you can air The West Wing at 2:00 in the afternoon (or 2:00 in the morning) and people will TiVo it and then watch it in prime time – or whenever they want to see it. The TV schedule won't be an agenda by which we plan our viewing, it'll just be a delivery system. You won't need 20 A&E's because you can pack 19 more A&E's worth of programming into the unused spaces on the current A&E. (And then some!)

Of course, this is assuming (please, God!) that "video on demand" dies the grisly, expensive death that it so deserves to die. If VOD makes it big, we won't need any channels at all.

1 comment with related links

Wed, July 21

Queue Tips

I think it's important not to acquiesce too often to the mentality of "Technically you're right, but I think the nice thing to do here is to do it the wrong way, my way." Here's a low-stakes example that happened to me. (Read more.)

3 comments

Daily Show: fake and resolved is better than real and lazy—11:40 AM

'The Daily Show' wins news award [Lost Remote]

As much as I enjoy The Daily Show, this crosses the line.

I disagree (shock!). Stewart actually uncovers what's going on, and fearlessly exposes the misdirections and political ploys. Sure, he makes jokes in between, but the "news media" just spews random pulp in between their shabbily researched "reports," so what's the difference?

I have to agree with this one, though.

'Fair and balanced' sticks [Lost Remote]

Think of the far reaching limitations had the FTC ruled otherwise.

Exactly. This was a dumb one for MoveOn.org to go after. I mean, it's a cute idea to decry the use of "fair" or "balanced" with regard to anything Fox News does, but that joke's already been made. No reason to waste time in court over it.

0 comments

Mon, July 19

Yes, Yes, God DAMN It, Yes!—9:48 AM

Jon Stewart: How We Learn Things from Television [Wonkette]

I agree. Not biased, lazy. Which is much, much worse.

0 comments

Fri, July 16

No Parking

I may not have all the answers about designing, building, and officiating a large scale parking structure. But then again, it isn't my job to have the answers. Wouldn't it stand to reason that someone who makes a living designing parking structures would pretty much have it figured out by now? Am I crazy? (Read more.)

4 comments with related links

Thu, July 15

Tomorrow's Defamer Privacy Watch Line Item Today—8:06 PM

Passed up a perfect opportunity to run over Jay Leno, doing his asinine "Jay-walking" schtick in front of the Johnny Rockets at Gardner and Melrose.

Link forthcoming, as soon as it hits the wires!

Update: Here's the link! (Told you it was forthcoming.)
Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Celebrity Shockers!

1 comment

Important, Important News—10:14 AM

Slim-Fast drops Goldberg over Bush puns [USAT]

I think I speak for America when I say, "Whoopi Goldberg was doing ads for Slim-Fast??"

2 comments

Wed, July 14

My toothless gay marriage amendment update—8:51 PM

I know a lot of people have objections to gay marriage. In my opinion, these objections are silly, but people are allowed to have opinions that I think are silly. (If not, the world would be quite bizarre.)

At any rate, none are sillier than the clip of Rick Santorum arguing in favor of amending the U.S. Constitution to prohibit same-sex marriage that I saw tonight on The Daily Show. Santorum's point was that once we allow gay marriage, it will cause children to be born out of wedlock. Out of wedlock? The entire point of gay marriage is more wedlock! Besides, gay couples don't have kids. So, is he saying that more children will be born out of wedlock because homosexuals will mischievously impregnate women before they go off to marry their gay lovers? Or that the rising tide of same-sex couples will create a surging black market demand for adoptions, forcing women who would otherwise not have babies to conceive them out of wedlock just to sell them to gay couples?

I'm not attempting to characterize the entire objection to gay marriage as this silly. (It's silly, but not this silly.) Still, it's a shame – if you actually oppose gay marriage, people like Senator Rick Santorum do more to damage your argument than support it.

39 comments with related links

Mon, July 12

Nothing to fear but fear itself...—11:18 AM

Amusingly, although political rhetoric recently drove the most prolific comments in this site's history (ironically, in response to my intentionally non-political review of Fahrenheit 9/11), my intent upon returning from my trip was to steer clear of the politics for a while. I enjoy stoking a healthy debate, but I also like writing about things that we can all agree on, such as reality TV.

However, in today's reading (my first real chance to sit down and see what's going on online in over two weeks), I ended up on Lost Remote's coverage of the new documentary/DVD show-and-tell project "Outfoxed".

Lost Remote also linked to a column at the "LA Times" which indicates that people actually want bias in their news, because they want their existing opinions validated, not challenged. I get almost all my news from the Internet or The Daily Show, and I like to think that I watch Jon Stewart not because he's left-leaning, but because he hates the other media outlets as much as I do. I don't flock to him as a validator of my beliefs, I'm just running away from the networks and 24/7 cable outlets as fast as I can – he's a last resort. (A blindingly funny and incisive last resort.) Stewart says that they try to keep the show in the middle, offending the left as often as the right. I'm inclined to believe it; he certainly isn't "going easy" on Kerry, and I'm sure the show would be as critical of a Democratic president, if we had a Democratic president this stupid. (I am, however, obviously unqualified to judge the objectivity of The Daily Show.)

Anyway, the "LA Times" column made me feel bad: am I really like all the other 18- to 30-year-olds who are out of touch with current events because we don't watch enough news? I used to love watching Brokaw in the evenings with Mom, but these days, I just can't stomach any of the networks. Out of guilt, I loaded CNN.com, resolved to better inform myself.

And, of course, this is what I get:

Officials discuss how to delay Election Day – CNN continues to stoke the nebulous Al Qaeda panic by telling us that there will be attacks on Super Tuesday in November.

(By the way, this was the top story on CNN.com about ten minutes ago; I had a screenshot and everything. But my computer crashed and I lost it – stupid Apple!)

Just when I was getting over that ambiguous Tom Ridge press conference from last week (Stewart put it succinctly: "Be afraid enough not to vote for Kerry; but not so afraid that you don't vote for Bush."), it's back on!

I give up.

2 comments

onebee for all, not all bees for one...—9:13 AM

It's come to our attention that, over the weekend, one of onebee.com's readers was attacked by a bee.

We'd like to take this opportunity to point out that the actions and opinions of this rogue bee do not represent those of the onebee.com community, nor in fact of bees in general. We sincerely regret any discomfort suffered by this long-standing, faithful reader – and we hope that the ordeal will not sour him on the onebee.com experience.

5 comments

Sun, July 11

Fun AvgM—10:30 PM

(Guess what! It turns out I'm not dead! I just had to leave town for a couple of weeks on short notice.)

Just a quick note to say that if you haven't already made a habit of checking out the new Average Mulder column on The Athletic Reporter (almost) every Monday, you should be sure to see today's.

Movie Time [Athletic Reporter]

Arksie does an entertaining review of some sports movies he hasn't seen. He had to choose one from each sport, but why Eddie for basketball? Wouldn't The Sixth Man have been more palatable?

By the way, I thought For Love of the Game was pretty darn cute, as far as movies like that go. Certainly third on the list of Best Costner Baseball Films, but still. I liked Kelly Preston, and I liked the song by Semisonic that was done for the movie. (I was a tad pre-biased towards that song because a dear friend and longtime crush liked it first and turned me on to it, but still. As soon as I finish this, I'm going to find my iPod and cue that song up.)

0 comments