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NyQuil Drivers—9:02 AM

While we're on the subject of driving in LA, I've had it with these people who drive fancy, zippy sports cars – but drive them as though they're giant, clunky Oldsmobiles. You paid extra for all that power and torque, use it!

I swear, if everyone who drives a Porsche but refuses to drive it correctly were forced to give it to someone who would, I'd have twenty Porsches. I don't even want one! But so great is the number of people who drive fast cars but lollygag on the line after a green light, or speedmatch in the left lane when I'm trying to get around someone, or take forever to merge – those of us who keep up with the pace would have garages and garages full!

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