Fri, November 4, 2005
RIP, DVC—10:30 AM
So Coca-Cola has announced that they'll be getting rid of Vanilla Coke and Diet Vanilla Coke (at least temporarily) as of the end of this year. This has no effect on me, except that certain loved ones are devotees of DVC.
It is, however, an interesting development in the recent Pimp My Soda wave of the long-standing Cola Wars: the announcement is actually part of a larger announcement about the debut of Black Cherry Vanilla Coke and Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke. I feel ways about this.
On the one hand, kudos to Coke for saying "enough!" with the billions of cola/mixer permutations. Some hyperactive focus group moderator somewhere in the Midwest convinced them that the world needs Black Cherry Vanilla Coke, and they're going with it, but they're doing the socially responsible thing and removing another product from an already crowded cola shelf, so it's a zero-sum change. Good form.
On the other hand, WHY?!?! Black Cherry Vanilla Fucking Coke? Seriously? We need this? Coke and Cherry Coke we need. Good deal. Diet versions of each, fine. There are overweight realtors across this nation who think if they have Diet Cokes with their Whoppers, they're on the road to fitting back into their college bikini – fine, there's a market there. (Also, homosexuals.) But lime? Lemon? Vanilla? Cherry Vanilla? Where does it end? If we want other stuff in our Coke so badly, why can't we be trusted to pour it in ourselves? I blame the makers of Skittlebräu for capitulating to their lazy customers and kicking off this trend in the first place.
See, for a while it was cute. You had your Clear Pepsi or whatever. (And, by the way, ick.) But now it's just become insane. I used to laugh at Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper because it had so many add-ons that it became impossible to pronounce in one breath. But now my own beloved Coca-Cola Bottling Co. is getting involved, trumping all with Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke. It's madness! They're modifying the modifiers! It's not just cherry – no, that cherry is black.
Jeff Tidball — Fri, 11/4/05 11:59am
The worst of the weird-ass sodas, in my humble opinion, is Pitch Black Mountain Dew II. Yes, it's a sequel beverage.
Bee Boy — Fri, 11/4/05 4:01pm
This story came on again during "Marketplace" and the reporter mentioned an interesting thing: that Coke is "trying to get consumers excited about different soda flavors." I hadn't thought of it that way, but then I'm already plenty excited about Coca-Cola Classic.
But, if enticing us towards their multi-flavored offerings is the goal (what's next, Cran-Coke?), then I say they should offer a "sampler pack" that would include six of their flavors, one can each. That way I don't have to buy a whole six-pack of something just to try it out. Ideally, they'd let you mix your own, but even pre-selected combinations would suffice.