Tue, February 28

Racing Solo—11:32 PM

The Amazing Race will never be the same without my McRace peeps, but thank heavens it's back to teams of two. (And the CBS promos miss no opportunity to remind us they've rectified that critical mistake from the Family Edition.) As usual, plenty of teams to hate – especially those who choose to pre-nickname themselves. (A major transgression: that's what TWoP is for.) Also, those who seem hellbent on challenging Jonathan/Victoria's Most Dysfunctional Marriage Ever title.

It's hard to guess who'll win at this point, but it's easy to know who to root for. The requisite hot blondes are cute, and the lithe, athletic youngsters (one of whom is perpetually bouncing) are fun – but neither can really capture my heart. I even like the dweebs and the hippies quite a bit, and Ray and Yolanda are great. But you put a Puerto Rican Natalie Portman on your team, and you've got me for life.

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On to Round Three!—9:14 AM

This year's Movie Tournament (of Movies) keeps on surprising. We're into round three now, and it's starting to look like a showdown between bawdy (but smart) R-rated comedies. Shame the Academy couldn't recognize the same value.

Vote or Die!

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Fri, February 24

Round 2 Under Way!—9:07 AM

After Junebug lost to Wedding Crashers in a disappointing squeaker, we're on to our first match-up of Round 2 in this year's Movie Tournament (of Movies). Keep your votes coming – and don't forget to vote on earlier match-ups at MTM: The voting so far.

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Tue, February 21

Terry Rejoice!

A completely random draw made Terry captain of La Mina's kickball pick, and he's still drunk with power – meanwhile, Bruce becomes the exiliest player in history, and Bobby... does what needs doing. (Read more.)

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Round One Continues!—8:28 AM

More voting today in the 2006 Movie Tournament (of Movies). The most recent match-ups are on the home page every day – if you've missed any previous match-ups, you can vote on them up until their winner must move on to its next opponent: just follow the "voting so far" link.

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Mon, February 20

MTM: Round One!—9:08 AM

And we're on our way! Help choose the best movie of 2005 by voting in the Movie Tournament (of Movies) over the next two weeks. Sadly, there was no room on the bracket for The Splendiferous Zeppelin Escapades of Filliam H. Muffman, but I'm sure we can still have a fair tournament.

If you need a bracket, you can download one here: MTM 2006

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Sun, February 19

Marketing with a Message Dept.—7:48 PM

Lessons Learned from the New "Hooters Hold 'Em" Commercial, Promoting Their Scratch-Off Poker Game and the Upcoming Hooters Casino in Las Vegas: Phil Gordon + slide whistle = hilarity!

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Fri, February 17

'Porter Blogging Turns One—11:54 AM

The Wayback Machine, she keeps on a-givin'! Don't miss today's entry, the Athletic Reporter blog, started roughly a year ago this time. Now lamentably orphaned from its sister publication, The Athletic Reporter, the 'Porter blog is back in action and going strong (now with cartoons!).

Don't miss it if you like funny stuff, important stuff, or reading. Also don't miss it if you dearly miss Arksie – as I do.

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A year at the (movies)—8:42 AM

The Wayback Machine recently reminded me of one of onebee's more enjoyable traditions: the annual Movie Tournament (of Movies). Last year was a lot of fun and, as a bonus, the tournament produced the one true and correct winner (The Incredibles – the best movie of 2005, or any year). Let's hope the tournament can continue to be so fruitful – Lord knows, it will be hard to produce results any more disappointing than this year's Oscars.

As usual, the Best Picture nominees secured the #1 seeds (undeserving though they may be) and the rest of the bracket was filled with films that either a) made my top ten; b) were critically acclaimed; c) made lots of money; or d) seemed worthy. In any match-up, you're voting for the best of the two movies – however you choose to define "best." It may mean your favorite; it may mean the more "important" film; in some cases it'll just mean the "least bad."

We'll vote on weekdays over the next two weeks, with two match-ups per day for the first few days. Voting on previous match-ups won't close until it's time for the winner to move on to the next round of battle, so hopefully this will still give everybody a couple of days to catch up in the early running.

Voting begins Monday. Download the bracket below and pencil in your favorites or start your office pool. We'll announce a winner at the end of next week!

Official Bracket: Movie Tournament (of Movies) 2006 [127k PDF]

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Mon, February 13

Quitting Time

Life on the island is never predictable – but the detestable personalities involved usually are. Coach Probst puts them to the test, and we report the results. (Print. Poop. Read.) (Read more.)

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Sun, February 12

Girly Olympics—10:49 AM

I watched a few minutes of Olympics coverage last night – because, who can avoid it, really? – and I remain mystified as to why this is such a big TV event every couple of years. NBC repeatedly mentions that figure skating is the most popular Olympics event to watch, which baffles me. (But, honestly, baffles me no more than the popularity of Dancing with the Stars or that goddamn SNL sketch where they rap about the Narnia movie.) I guess the secret is the NBC coverage. I can't stand to watch figure skating on TV and even I watched fifteen minutes of it last night. For one thing, NBC interweaves its coverage of all the events, so if you just want to watch one event you have to sit still for four hours. I watched the American pair do their little routine (How could I not? He threw her in the air, and then she spun around more than anyone else in the history of the Olympics!), then I watched an episode of Criminal Minds and two hours of Veronica Mars, had dinner, fed the dog, climbed into bed, and they were just coming back for the final Russian pair to do their routine! I know NBC hates its viewers, but this is insane. Also, there's the NBC hype. Every moment of Olympics coverage is the most important, the most historic, the most compelling. They went on and on about how many times that girl was going to spin in the air, and she hadn't even managed to land it in practice. (Then she actually did spin, and still failed to medal.) Later, Scott Hamilton delivered a three-minute report on whether or not Michelle Kwan was in a good mood – I shit you not.

Figure skating is king of the girl sports. (And before you claw my eyes out about being anti-girl, I'm not. Follow the link – Arksie expertly defines what a "girl sport" is. Don't email me.) It's a girl sport because it has judges, and it's less fun to watch for the same reason. Take, for example, the five-minute NBC report on the judging scandal in Salt Lake City. The IOC has instituted an entirely new scoring scheme to try to make the judging more fair – but no matter how many rules you change, rules won't make the judging fair as long as there are judges. Unless the judges are robots. This sort of controversy would never happen in a "guy sport," like, say, football. (I keed. Keep up the good work, Bill Leavy.)

But of course the Olympics aren't pointless just because of the girl sports. The guy sports are just as dull. They had speed skating on last night. Who cares? Why is this an Olympic sport? Nobody throws a deep frier and a Coors party box into the back of the pickup to go tailgate outside a speed skating match. (And, judging from the attendance at last night's match, not that many people show up to watch it at the Olympics either.) We should do away with sports that only continue to exist because of the Olympics in the first place. Get rid of your speed skating and your bobsledding. (As Norm MacDonald said, "There's no professional luge.") Replace them with sports people actually like. Sports people like to play or like to watch. Football, golf, poker, stock car racing. And I don't mean just sports that are popular in America – I respect the global reach of the Olympics, the coming together of myriad far-flung cultures to compete on the world stage in the international language of sports. Keep soccer. That's fine.

(Don't get me wrong. I can't wait for curling coverage starting tomorrow.)

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Fri, February 10

View!—3:17 PM

News! My offer was accepted today on a lovely little condominium in Ponte Vedra Beach. So, God (and mortgage brokers) willing, I'll be moving in a few weeks from now. Here's a picture of the view.

Gorgeous, isn't it? I'm excited! We'll have more pictures soon, but until it's all final I don't want to jinx it!

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Mon, February 6

Non-Twist Fever!

Survivor: Exile Island has begun, and the only person we want to force into exile is the only one we can't: host Jeff Probst. (Read more.)

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Wed, February 1

Apocalypse Forthcoming—12:12 AM

I just saw an Applebee's ad which reworked the words of "Mambo No. 5" to refer to their entrees and appetizer platters.

Just sayin'.

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