Wed, May 30

On On the Lot

Summer TV makes strange bedfellows: Spielberg and Mark Burnett; me and American Idol-type reality dreck. (Read more.)

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A New Low—10:42 AM

Okay, that's it. You can hate LOTR if you want. (I do.) You can rail against an entire EW issue devoted to exploring its intricacies. (I did.) But at least the films have meaning. Recapping American Idol just doesn't make any sense at all. It's the ultimate in empty entertainment – the minute it's over, it's forgotten. And I'm boggled by the concept of an Idol "Yearbook" – ahh, the memories of... four months ago.

At least this time I only had to give up one of my subscription issues.

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Tue, May 29

Carlos Mencia strikes again!—3:39 PM

Someone posted a joke on his Flickr page (oo, hip!) about the ubiquity of Google's services: Google in 20 Years!

The thing is, I know for a fact Arksie made this joke at least three years ago, but an exhaustive search of e-mail, onebee comments, and The Athletic Reporter archives doesn't turn it up. So you'll have to take my word for it – wherearemycarkeys.yahoo.com is tm Joe Mulder.

(Note to people reading this more than five years in the future: there was once this thing called Yahoo! It was like Google, except someone put a movie executive in charge of it and then it went away.)

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Fri, May 25

Upfronts: The Expansion Teams

Fox and CW did their upfronts last Thursday, but I was busy traveling. Here's a late recap on what to expect from the baby nets this fall. (Read more.)

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Thu, May 24

Survivor Tidbits

Considering how often I quit writing the Survivor columns, this season wasn't much different. But this time it was in a more organized fashion. (Read more.)

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Wed, May 16

CBS Upfronts

A quick look at the shows CBS would like you to watch this fall. And a bonus quiz to test your Upfront IQ! (Read more.)

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ABC Upfronts

ABC has eleven new shows and at least one of them is not about ridiculously attractive twentysomethings fucking and backstabbing each other! (Read more.)

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Mon, May 14

NBC Upfronts

Attempting to rebound from the worst season in TV history, NBC has announced some new shows that play it very, very safe. (Read more.)

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Sun, May 13

The Players—7:06 PM

We were nice enough to host The Players Championship this weekend. (Try getting a table at my Chili's tonight – just try it.) The extra traffic is a drag, but the excitement is kind of fun. Blimps circling overhead for days – it's kind of like our version of Oscar season.

It's always fun to see Mickey Tits eke out a win, doubly so on local turf. (Some might attribute his win to a good-luck fist bump from my sister the other day. And who are we to argue?) He's a sweetheart, a crowd favorite, and a very fun player to watch. (And, while he's not the most attractive golfer, he's a hell of a lot cuter than the head shot NBC has for the leaderboard – you know the one, with the Hannibal Lecter hair?)

It's a shame what happened to Sean O'Hair (or, as I've nicknamed him, "Bag") on golf's toughest hole, but he still had a great weekend. I'm told by the NBC commentators that if he'd won, commentators would've had something else to talk about besides the estranged relationship with his father that the NBC commentators couldn't stop mentioning. So, too bad on that score.

My favorite part, though, is always the technical aspect of televising the game. The cameramen are in top form, and NBC does this awesome thing called the "Green Grid," which begins with a computer-generated 3D flyover of the hole, then simulates dropping a grid of golf balls on the green to demonstrate the topography. It's a tough concept to illustrate succinctly, and this brilliant approach is as perfect as you can get.

I tracked down a video to demonstrate this, from the website of the people who make the videos for NBC: hole10.mov. (This is from a few years ago; these days the balls are bigger, so they show up better on TV.) Pretty amazing stuff – very fun to watch, and easily enhances one's understanding of the game as well as the viewing experience.

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Sat, May 12

Programming Alert—6:42 PM

I don't usually watch Law & Order: SVU but a promo on NBC just told me that Misti Traya will be guest starring in this Tuesday's episode.

My readership overlaps pretty heavily with lovers of Showtime's Huff, which featured Misti in a fantastic recurring role as Byrd's girlfriend. In case you missed that, she also dated the Christopher Marquette character on Joan of Arcadia and did some fine flashback work on this season of How I Met Your Mother. (They get the best guest girls: Ashley Williams, Morena Baccarin, and Misti Traya – and give credit to newcomer Erinn Bartlett as Mary the Paralegal.)

Anyway, Misti Traya: worth a look.

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Thu, May 10

Mars Rising

We shouldn't get too excited, but CW is giving us hope that Veronica Mars might stick around to delight us for another year. (Read more.)

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Thu, May 3

Writing Off Lindsay

I adored Lindsay Lohan, giving her the benefit of the doubt as long as I could. But that's over now. (Read more.)

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Wed, May 2

Divided Ireland—4:50 PM

When he's not cataloging hall-of-fame comedy movies for us, Arksie keeps track of the best show currently on TV. This week – some might say, five months late – he recognizes 30 Rock and its rightful place at the top of the pile.

His characteristically excellent write-up includes a passing reference to a rumor that Alec Baldwin wants to leave the show. I've tried to give the rumor a wide berth (it isn't really a rumor, since he did very publicly say that he'd like to leave the show), because I don't want to panic anyone unnecessarily – myself included. I'm sure he's not going anywhere – this is one of those things that all parties involved will just pretend never happened.

I TiVo'd The View in order to watch Baldwin's "exclusive" interview. (That action should not be taken lightly, by the way; I had to spend the next three days carefully convincing TiVo not to take that into account when gauging my TV tastes.) From that interview, and all available evidence, Baldwin is clearly very emotional about the situation with his daughter. (Which – you can take his side or not; agree that this should never have been made public or not; forgive him or not – but you can't assert that this situation has any bearing on whether or not he's fantastic on 30 Rock or the funniest actor on TV.) Whether or not you agree with him, he feels strongly that he's been mistreated in the custody battle – and the sad reality is that this is very common in divorces, which is why you really shouldn't marry someone (or at least, don't have children) unless you're a mature person and capable of loving someone other than yourself. (This cuts out most people in Hollywood, quite rightly.) Baldwin wants to devote himself to the issue of parental alienation (he has a book coming out on the subject), and specifically to restoring his relationship with his daughter. More importantly in this particular climate, he wants to be seen as giving that relationship top priority. So, he says, "If I never act again, that's fine with me." Which is what you say in that situation, and I think he sincerely means it. If someone literally gave him an ultimatum between having a good relationship with his daughter and continuing his acting career, he'd never look back. Thankfully, that's not the case. He'll be able to keep working on 30 Rock and still have a good relationship with his daughter, because that's what you do: you work some and you spend some time with family. Nobody can impugn those priorities. (Except maybe Caitlin Flanagan.)

He also said that he doesn't want his scandal to adversely affect the show, which can sometimes happen, but is truthfully pretty rare. The tabloids, blogs, and entertainment shows made a big deal about this issue, but even today it's pretty much died down. You can respect Baldwin for offering to throw himself on the grenade, but it turns out to be a pretty hyperbolic gesture – the kind you make in the heat of the moment, but nobody expects you to follow through. He'd look immodest to say so publicly, but Baldwin knows the show would absolutely collapse without him. His departure would wreck 30 Rock much more than this or any scandal could hope to.

The best I understand it, Baldwin is contracted to 30 Rock for at least next season. NBC has made no move to release him from that contract (and they'd be insane to). By the time shooting resumes later this summer, I'm sure Baldwin will be back in a mindset to continue his work on the show without protest, and everyone will politely pretend like this never happened.

Rejected titles for this post:

Between 30 Rock and a Hard Place
My Birth Mother is an Alien
Alec Daddy
The Brave Little Toaster and Malice

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