Thu, May 29

It's Fobody's Nault—3:53 PM

I was reminded this morning that yesterday was the tenth anniversary of Phil Hartman's tragic and untimely passing. Plenty of TV and movie stars have died during my lifetime, but Phil's is among those I remember most. (Jim Henson is another. Also Sydney Pollack, for obvious reasons.)

I remember sitting at the computer and clicking on AOL to connect to the Internet. (Ha! How young we were then...) In the home screen AOL served up, I noticed Phil's picture, alongside a headline like "Remembering Phil Hartman." My stomach immediately did a flip, but I wouldn't let myself believe it. Surely it was someone's list of favorite SNL sketches, with an unfortunate choice of wording.

I was wrong about that. Very, very sad. I'm sure my reaction would have been different if I weren't addicted to NewsRadio, but then if I hadn't watched that show avidly I would have missed a lot of his greatest work. Plenty of people (famous or not) die early, and it's always a shame. In Hartman's case, he was completely innocent. Chris Farley's passing is easier to comprehend in that way; Phil Hartman's was just unfair. I'm amazed it's already been a decade.

Today also marks the 18-month anniversary of my Uncle Bob's passing. I hope it doesn't seem like I miss Phil more. I just miss him differently. Bobby was like Phil in some ways (but not most): an oversized personality, warm and generous to those close to him, and very funny. Fare thee well, boys. We're not the same without you.

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Love never blows up and gets killed—12:50 PM

I know I sound like a broken record, but you should really try The Venture Bros. on Cartoon Network. Among the varied and sometimes excellent shows Adult Swim has on offer, it is the most spectacular. It's a Hardy Boys spoof mingled with a fond skewering of 1960s adventure cartoons and a heaping portion of atomic-age gadget science pushed into absurdity. It's deliriously funny.

The third season kicks off this Sunday night at 11:30 with "Shadowman 9: In the Cradle of Destiny." If that title alone doesn't compel you to tune in, what will? A shape-shifting supervillain David Bowie? (Check.) A sexy Soviet-bloc assassin named Molotov Cocktease, whose eye patch covers more than the rest of her outfit put together? (Check.) Dr. Girlfriend, the sidekick/arm candy who looks like Angelina, dresses like Jackie O, and talks like a teamster from the Bronx? (Checkmate!) And – and! – there's Catclops, and Master Billy Quizboy, and Phantom Limb! Oh I could go on and on...

They've also got Patrick Warburton, who is just magnificent in everything he does. He makes Rules of Engagement watchable – he's that good. Hell, even his endorsement spot for that abortion parental consent bill almost convinced me.

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Tue, May 27

Cranial Torment Dept.—9:27 AM

No idea why, these two have been stuck in my brain ever since I woke up this morning:

• That's All by Genesis
• Kids, Incorporated

I'll give it another hour, then I'm eating a bullet.

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Fri, May 23

Scrubs and NBC

Bill Lawrence is still talking about his show, its creative life span, and its upcoming move to ABC. Scrubs viewer or not, it's pretty interesting stuff. (Read more.)

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Thu, May 22

Time Out Corner—2:55 PM

We're going to have a new section for onebee ideas that simply do not go over. Maybe they were better in my head; maybe even suggesting that undermines my head's credibility.

All the greatest hits of disappointment will be there: "urban dimetrodon" and "Beelze-bye" – and of course the all-time champion, "elephant poison."

And today we add the dumb PLO joke. Soon the onebee back-end will include a "sleep on it" step when publishing new posts.

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Proof: Hollywood is Run by Entrenched Zionists—12:04 AM

If the former life of the Adam Sandler character in the upcoming "comedy" You Don't Mess with the Zohan had been as a Palestinian freedom fighter, they could have used the awesome tag line: "You can't spell 'explode' without 'ex-PLO.'"

Instead he's a former Mossad agent. You do the math, people!

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Wed, May 21

Eyes front... shirt off—4:37 PM

It's Yearbook Photo Wednesday here at onebee!

The company in charge of snapping yearbook shots for McKinney High School in Texas is apologizing for digitally altering many students' images in unexpected ways: swapping heads, elongating necks, in one case (allegedly) removing a girl's shirt. Apparently, the school asked them to crop and resize the photos so the heads would be the same size and someone got carried away in Photoshop. (Which, I can attest, is very easy to do in Photoshop.)

Obviously, this is a pain in the ass for the school and the yearbook staff, but it's also freaking hilarious. And the photo company is stepping up and paying for the reprinted books so, all in all, not a big deal. In the local paper, the apologetic VP is quoted atoning for "the pain we have put parents, students and yearbook staff through." Pain? Sounds like a bit much. This is another side effect of our culture's media saturation: when every event is a news event, people will talk like they're at a major press conference all the time. Which means – you guessed it – Pussy Apologies all around.

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Little to the left… chin down—4:09 PM

Judd Apatow will be receiving the Visionary Award at this year's Key Art Awards, which award movie marketing (trailers, posters, etc.). From PosterWire's writeup on the nominations:

(The main Apatow inspiration seems to be the recent trend of the “Sears Portrait Studio” look in comedy film posters.)

The examples cited include The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and this summer's Step Brothers. These posters are great, and work well with the movies they promote. They also undeniably reference each other – almost to the point of a brand identity.

I realized today, while watching another fantastic episode of Showtime's This American Life, where the genesis of this idea must have come from: the opening credits of Apatow's mercilessly canceled Freaks and Geeks. Remember? Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation" played over a smash-cut series of yearbook photo sessions. He's been mining the same dorky, identity-flattening freeze frame for its comic potential ever since.

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Thu, May 15

Upfronts Quiz: Fox

An embarrassment of riches! Fox has revealed their new lineup today as well, so we get a double quiz. Wait, Fox's lineup? This is more like an embarrassment of embarrassment... (Read more.)

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Upfronts Quiz: CBS

CBS came to play with a juicy, wriggling handful of new shows for this fall, or next midseason, or maybe never. Let's guess! (Read more.)

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Wed, May 14

Upfronts Quiz: CW

We all expected a light fall season because of the WGA strike, but did it have to be this bad? Why do they hate us? (Read more.)

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Tue, May 13

Upfronts Quiz: ABC

Upfronts Quiz Week 2008 kicks off with a handful of offerings from ABC! (Read more.)

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There's No Magic Wand—4:58 PM

Alan Wurtzel, the head of research for NBC:

“Honestly, if I could wish away the DVR, I would,” Mr. Wurtzel added. “But I can’t. It’s growing.”

Overall, the tone of the article is not as pointedly anti-audience. Mainly it's another woe-be-the-networks kind of thing. Granted, they have a tough challenge. But the answer is better television, not restricted audience freedom.

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Mon, May 12

Final Lecture: The Jury

The Survivor fans vs. favorites season is over at last! Let's take a look at how it broke down, then read a book or something to wash the stink off our brains. (Read more.)

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Thu, May 8

There Will Be Movies Next Summer

The Onion's A.V. Club has gone off a cliff defending its flimsy premise about the state of the summer blockbuster in 2008. (Read more.)

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