Sun, October 31, 2004
PACKERRRRRRSSS!!!—1:22 PM
Well, now! If All-American quarterback, John Madden boycrush, and sometime Cameron Diaz co-star Brett Favre didn't just lay a hearty walloping upon the Washington Redskins! According to history, this predicts a win for John Kerry on Tuesday (or whenever it is that all the recounts and lawsuits wrap up – my money's on April 2006!). This is easily the most I've ever cared about a football game.
So now we can look forward to one of two things: the conclusion of yet another one-term Bush administration, or an historic termination of that cutesy Redskins thing, leaving us with only one remaining obsessively repeated but utterly meaningless giant coincidence of history: that whole Kennedy/Lincoln deal. We don't know which it'll be, which means all we've really gained from this week's gridiron battle is false hope. Forget the War on Terror (tm) – false hope is the gravest threat to this country.
And, by the way: Vance... I'm only wearing one pantsuit.
