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Tue, November 30

Celebrity Encounters

I've really missed ratings. More than that, I'll do anything to put off working on the Survivor column, even when I've plunked myself down with the laptop and sworn on my grandma that I'm gonna write it. (Read more.)

12 comments with related links

Mon, November 29

Soap Opera-ville

Don't watch Survivor? God bless you. But this is your chance to read the cursory update on where the hell I've been, if you're curious. Also, The Amazing Race commences! (Read more.)

7 comments with related links

Tue, November 23

Products In Wonderland

The world of advertising is abuzz with the possibilities of product placement. But is it really so different from everyday life? I mean, my shoes have Nike logos on them. (Read more.)

1 comment with related links

Mon, November 22

Movies by the numbers—9:55 PM

Just for fun, Mom and I saw the number one movie in the country today: National Treasure. (That's two in two weeks for us – last week, The Incredibles was still #1!)

National Treasure was nothing more than you'd expect, but it was still plenty enjoyable. I'm shocked that it did quite as well as it did, but considering all the locations, plus Bruckheimer and Nicolas Cage, I'm sure it cost plenty, so I guess it's going to need strong numbers to break even. As he did with Keira Knightley in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Bruckheimer unearths a relatively obscure cutie and makes her very easy to fall for. Also, I liked the fact that the story has that James Bond feeling of travel and intrigue, but stays entirely within the U.S., resulting in a fun tour through American history. It's fast-paced, gripping, and enjoyable – and at one point there are two simultaneous heists, which is a very fun idea. Not perfect, not life-changing, not even entirely plausible. Not as good as Pirates of the Caribbean. But still, lots of fun.

***

Also, sadly National Treasure unseats The Incredibles from the top slot after a fantastic two-week run. The good news is, it's week three and The Incredibles has already outgrossed Shark Tale. (It was within a hair's breadth by the end of week two!)

4 comments with related links

Tue, November 16

Comments for You, the Common Stupid Person—4:07 PM

Just so you know, even though I'm not actually writing all those things I say I want to be writing, I'm not slacking off entirely. I've just finished moving this entire site (plus the 'Porter) to a new web host – with almost zero interruption in service – and I took out some paper and wrote down a bunch of ideas (some new, some long-simmering) for new features. That ain't nothin'! (It may indeed be next to nothing, but it's not nothing!)

Anyway, the first, easiest, and most exciting of these new features is that now you, the reader, can use the same simplified markup that I use when I write for this site. It's based on John Gruber's fine product Markdown, and it allows me to type out my columns a lot faster, using **bold** to make bold text, etc., etc. For a while, I resisted giving the same treatment to the text that you (well, "we") type in the comments boxes, but now it's become easier to do that, so I decided to share the joy. You'll notice a tiny link above every comments box on this site, reading "formatting tips," which will pop up a brief primer to get you started, along with a link to Gruber's more extensive introduction, which itself links to his in-depth rundown of all of Markdown's syntax features. I hope it's useful!

And, oh yeah, this has been applied retroactively to old comment boxes, too. I'm a genius! (Actually, no. It's way easier to apply it retroactively than it would have been to apply it only to new comments – but you would have believed me, wouldn't you?)

Profuse thanks to the daring John Gruber for Markdown, and to Michel Fortin for doing what I (and my limited experience with regexp) couldn't: "porting" Markdown from Perl to PHP. Markdown Classic was working great, but now that I've switched to PHP Markdown, it'll enable lots of cool future wizardry that will mostly occur on my end of things, not yours. (Sorry, can't share all the joy!)

0 comments

Disney, Pixar, and Toy Story 3—1:46 PM

Arksie was kind enough (and alert enough!) to pass on the following link:

Disney Booting Up 'Toy Story 3' [HR]

Ah, yes. The threat of creating Toy Story 3 without Pixar's involvement has been around for a while. I touched on some possible scenarios in this column a while back. My full length review of the current state of 3D animation (complete with lots of raving about The Incredibles) is forthcoming – I've had so little time to work on it, I've decided to take a week and a half off work to try to get it done.

In a nutshell, we still have plenty of outs. All the story says is Disney is ramping up its 3D division, with plans to produce Toy Story 3. Well, they've been effectively "ramping up" 3D ever since they laid off 70% of their 2D work force in the wake of the devastating returns for Home on the Range, and with Chicken Little coming out, it makes sense they'll expect to make more 3D movies. Thus, ramping up. They've had "plans" to make Toy Story 3 forever. That doesn't necessarily mean there will be a Pixar-free Toy Story 3.

  1. This may be just more bluffing to make Pixar nervous, or steal some of the news cycle on the boffo success of The Incredibles. Note that Disney wouldn't comment on the story.

  2. It's entirely likely that Tom Hanks won't sign on to a Toy Story movie without John Lasseter, who runs Pixar and directed the first two films. (I'd have said "Tom Hanks and Tim Allen won't sign on..." but given the state of upcoming releases, it's clear that there's not very much Tim Allen says no to.) Maybe Hanks's contract from the first two films locks him in, I don't know. But he'd be crazy to come back without Pixar, and Disney would be nuts to try to make a Toy Story movie without him.

  3. Disney and Pixar may still patch things up. Pixar has proved (once again) (as if it needed proving) (I mean, seriously) that their films are incredibly popular with audiences. (No pun intended.) Even with their own 3D division, Disney stands to make more money from a distribution deal with Pixar than it stands to make competing against them. Keep in mind, the deal Pixar wants – similar to the one George Lucas has with Fox – grants Disney a percentage of profits; that percentage is high when Pixar movies make lots of money. (Note: Pixar movies make lots of money.) Michael Eisner is on his way out, and Disney's board is increasingly wary of tying their future to his psychotic whims. Eisner is the main obstacle in the Pixar negotiations, having personal problems with Pixar CEO Steve Jobs. If Eisner is hauled out of the negotiating room and a deal is hammered out with Pixar, Toy Story 3 would go away.

  4. If Disney does move forward with production on Toy Story 3, they might release it straight to video. It's in keeping with their current raid-the-vault, clean-up-on-the-home-video-market strategy (and it was the original plan for Toy Story 2). Even if they start Toy Story 3 with a theatrical release in mind, they might choose to go with a shorter, cheaper, home-video release (making Chicken Little cost a third less than Toy Story 2). Nobody holds The Return of Jafar to the high standards of Aladdin – when Disney sees that it's impossible to manufacture the heart and soul of Pixar, they may dump Toy Story 3 on video where the expectations are lower. While still hurtful to the Pixar brand (which is tied inexorably to the Toy Story brand in the minds of most viewers), this would be less destructive than a high profile theatrical release (and, quite likely, a high profile theatrical flop).

So, for now, I'm not panicking that much. Although I certainly acknowledge that the idea of Toy Story 3 makes me shudder. It's further proof that Disney has lost its way: back when Disney was an imagination factory first and a global conglomerate second, they'd never sacrifice the creative sanctity of a long-standing relationship between its characters and an audience just for sour grapes.

0 comments with related links

"Hello, Mr. Thompson..."—9:50 AM

Don't get me wrong, I love the people at Westside Volvo (405 and Washington Blvd, Culver City – if you're buying or servicing a Volvo in L.A., go to them; they'll treat you right!) – but you take a look at the following work order and see how you'd pronounce the name.

"JAY-mah-sun SIM-muns"? "JAYM-sun," perhaps? I get that sometimes. It's a little weird, but it's not a super-common name so I cut people some slack. However, this is how two separate people pronounced it today: (Keep in mind, both of them were reading it off this printout at the time.)

"Jason Simpson."

2 comments with related links

Mon, November 15

Go ahead with your own life...—8:27 AM

Thanks to alert reader (and adorable family... haver) Brandon, I became aware that TBS is now running a pair of Bosom Buddies reruns in the middle of the night every Saturday morning. Before TiVo crashed, I had a Wish List set up for Bosom Buddies but it had never found anything (conventional wisdom held that an embarrassed Tom Hanks had used his newfound clout to squash reruns of the old sitcom), so I kind of forgot to add it to the resurrected TiVo after all the trouble.

Anyway, like most things from my childhood, the quality of Bosom Buddies is wildly exceeded by my memory of its quality. However, it's still a remarkably watchable sitcom, if only for the tremendously lucky casting of Hanks and Peter Scolari, to whom Hanks has been throwing a bone as often as he can ever since. I wonder if, in the mid-1980s, people thought Scolari was the rising star of the pair. He was spectacular on Newhart and Hanks was pursuing a movie career and getting cast in things like Bachelor Party. Sure, Splash, Volunteers, and Big were in there, but by the time Newhart was wrapping up, so were Punchline, Nothing in Common, The 'Burbs, and Turner & Hooch. Anyway, their careers could not have taken more divergent paths, and now Hanks is keeping Scolari fed and shod with walk-on roles in everything from That Thing You Do! to From the Earth to the Moon to The Polar Express.

I've always loved Scolari, though. (It's clear Hanks has, too.) I think they're both excellent comic actors, and the show would be nothing without them. It's their crackling chemistry and bursting energy that lifts the implausible situations and predictable jokes above the level of the script. Even with them, it's still a lame '80s sitcom with very little substance. And this week, a cameo from Bruce Vilanch. (If this is the price I have to pay to relive fond memories and watch Hanks cut his comedy teeth, the cost may just be too high!) It's amazing how it all comes flooding back, though. The sexy allure of Donna Dixon in shimmery day-glo spandex. The sass of Wendie Jo Sperber. And, oh, the hair! The massive, towering hair! Plus, Holland Taylor's Ruth Dunbar positively framed my idea of the powerful career gal – and the advertising industry in general.

5 comments with related links

Fri, November 12

Yasser Is Dead! Long Live Yasur!

I'm still beaming from the solid blindsiding that smacked a smug and self-righteous Royry to the ground last week, and things just keep getting worse for the idiot men of Survivor: Vanuatu. (Read more.)

2 comments with related links

Thu, November 11

"A spoon and a fork!"—2:19 PM

Fulfilling onebee's mission to make house calls on each and every one of our regular readers, I had the tremendous good fortune to dine with Brandon and his lovely family last night before watching an episode of Lost – the show which, if you read this site, has divided the nation between avid fans and frothing detractors, but if you look elsewhere in the world it's just a hit show that everyone adores.

Spending time with Brandon's wife and daughter reminded me a lot of how much I look forward to having a family of my own. I'm very happy with my home, but a home takes on a whole new meaning when it's the base of operations for a family unit, especially one as lively and warm as theirs. Also, their precious, adorable two-year-old daughter made it really easy to understand why we have kidnapping laws: a few minutes with her and you just want to snatch her up and run away somewhere where you can have uninterrupted tea parties and read Clifford the Big Red Dog all day long. But she has a pretty good thing going, so it's probably best to leave her there and just visit from time to time.

Also, couple people are just the greatest, because they generally have a bedtime. Don't get me wrong, I love having friends over and playing Taboo or poker until the wee hours, but still – I can't deny the grin on my face when I got home last night after a satisfying evening of TV, dinner, and conversation, and realized I had another two hours before I needed to be in bed! I could live with weeknight plans like that every once in a while.

Next stop for the onebee party bus? That depends. We've got a private investigator scouring the Sunshine State for clues to KOTC's identity and whereabouts.

***

By the way (officially pretending my readership is irate from the lack of updates instead of merely bored-by-the-same-content when they'd otherwise have been bored-by-fresh-shiny-content): not only has it been an unusually busy week or two at the office, but I'm also in the process of switching web hosts. So, onebee's output may be a bit spotty for the foreseeable future. By the time the changeover is done, I'll be out of town for Thanksgiving, but I'll try to stay in touch. I'm sure you'll survive (read: find your boredom elsewhere). God bless!

4 comments with related links

Tue, November 9

AvgM: Cheap Seats—12:04 AM

I was watching an episode of Kids in the Hall on TiVo last night and they did a sketch where Bruce McCullough had tried to commit suicide (by swallowing a shoelace) and the other troupe members were at his hospital bedside trying to cheer him up. (With everyone playing himself, in this particular sketch.)

It came up that Bruce had left a suicide note, which was more like a manuscript: over 100 pages. And he became really offended as, one by one, the other troupe members were gradually forced to admit that they hadn't read it. Mark McKinney admitted: "I just skimmed it, looking for my name."

That's what I do with the Average Mulder sometimes (no, not really; it would almost never pay off if I did, although about 33% of the time it would pay off, it would pay off in the same sentence as Maggie Haskins – no complaints there!), and this week, there I am. And in the middle of a nice sales pitch for ESPN Classic's Cheap Seats, which is a show you should all be enjoying anyway. If I haven't already told you so in person, consider this as your notice.

The Best Sports Show You're Not Watching [Athletic Reporter]

7 comments

Mon, November 8

Delicious!—2:18 PM

Delicious Library was released today, and the company that created it (Delicious Monster) sent me email first thing this morning. The good thing is that you can download it immediately – and pay for it later – which I did.

I was on my way out the door, so I quickly added the books that were on my nightstand, just to play around with it. It's great! Can't wait to get home, whip out the iSight, and scan in the rest!

More soon!

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Sat, November 6

The Incredibles in 25 Words Or Less—1:37 AM

Perfect. Grade: A++

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Fri, November 5

More of the Same, Yes, But Help Is on the Way!—12:57 AM

Just got home from one more great night of cards, and one more loss for me. The bad beats do tend to stack up, and they do tend to get to me, but I think my game does get more and more tight as I go on, so it's not like I just throw out all that cash. A game with just three hands is not quite the same as the "real thing" – the odds will work out so that luck plays a part more than it might in a large field. I think I still do well, I think I play right most of the time, but I must say it would be nice to get to win big like I did in my first full day of play. I try so hard!

I mean, Joe goes all in, I have A-8, and it's clear that he just wants to make a play. I think long and hard, and I call. (To look back, I guess I should fold with this hand, but once I was in, Joe told me he'd hoped not to get called!) He turns up a King and a rag, and the flop comes 4-4-5 with one more 5 on the turn. At this point, we both think "we might get a full house on the board!" and dreams of a split pot dance in our heads. (And, most cards would win it for me, with two pair, Ace high.) Then the card on fifth street pairs his rag and wins the pot for him, and I'm down to less than eight chips, which puts me all in in the big blind of the next hand, my heart flush draw fails to pan out, and I'm done for the night. Things went so well for such a long time, and then... poof!

I think, on the whole, that I'm a smart guy, so it does wear on me to lose, week in and week out. Could it be that I don't "get" this game as well as I think I do? I hope not, since it's such great fun to play and it has such neat parts to it. I have to say, it's just the kind of game I like, so I hope I can get to a point where my net loss is not so huge. Then I could scale it back a bit, and play just for the fun of it.

0 comments with related links

Thu, November 4

Disco Inferno

Royry's given up on the theatre, and moved headlong into Great White-style deadly pyrotechnics! Plus, Mr. McFeely brings letters from home! And not one of them is for Jenna Lewis. (Read more.)

1 comment with related links

Wed, November 3

Week Ten

The only new show we got this week was Center of the Universe, and there are no surprises. (Read more.)

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On The Plus Side—12:42 AM

...I think there's a lot of money to be made with bushreelectionsuicidepact.com. Bringing people together: that always was his specialty.

Ironically, if I were a gun owner I probably would've voted for Bush, so I wouldn't have any reason to blow my brains out. Ah, those Catch-22s! The spice of life, they are!

As annoyed as I am that the smug smirk will remain firmly planted on our president's puss for another four years, I'm fully aware that the actual effect felt by me – the regular citizen – will be minimal. I don't think the draft is that likely. The continued escalation of health care costs as he hands out favors to the pharmaceutical and HMO industries will make it harder for me to find a fun new job, but in that regard I'll feel a significantly smaller impact than the rabid, misguided red-staters will. No, I think the greatest disappointment is that the majority of Americans are stupid, stupid people. Can't save them from themselves. These people love The Swan and they love their George W.

Ah, well. I'll just have to cling to the coasts and ride it out until he plunges us into nuclear holocaust. Shouldn't be more than eight months or so.

***

Worst of all is the shameful indignity with which Tom Brokaw was ushered out of his post at NBC News. He staked this election as the deadline for his departure, and they've got him at "Democracy Plaza" with a red-state/blue-state map on the ice rink and competing window washers creating a bar graph up the front of 30 Rock. Just awful.

31 comments

Tue, November 2

Sho, Huff

Showtime is doing to me what it did last June with Out of Order: thrusting a bunch of great actors I love into a show that seems really fascinating. Will it work this time? (Read more.)

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If I have to physically restrain myself, I will not be "live blogging" the election night coverage—5:08 PM

However, it's really funny to see this on the bottom of CNN's screen:

Oklahoma:
0% - Kerry
0% - Bush * (projected winner)

0 comments

Easter in Palau!—3:43 PM

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I Voted—8:41 AM

I did it for the sticker.

And you should, too. It was really a lot of fun. The line wasn't even that long. So, follow my lead, America! Head to the polls!

Hey, if you're feeling sporty, do like me and cast an ironic vote for Kerry. Pretending your vote counts... it's kind of cute, in a way.

3 comments

Mon, November 1

Tom Hanks is everywhere!—1:12 PM

I was watching the National Cheerleading Championships on ESPN2 this Sunday. (Oh, stop it. It's not what you think. I was flipping around trying to find ESPNews, where I knew there'd be an ongoing ticker to keep me updated on the Redskins game, and I landed on ESPN2 instead. It reminded me of Bring It On, so I watched for about ten minutes.) As it turns out, the slim advantage that Bring It On had (professional choreographers, multiple takes, actors instead of students) was a lot less slim than previously realized.

However, as shaky as some of the performances and choreography were, I was impressed that one group incorporated a sample in their routine from an obscure track on the That Thing You Do! soundtrack. "Drive Faster" by The Vicksburgs. ("The Vicksburgs in Pittsburgh. The Vicksburgs in Pittsburgh.") Where would teenagers even come across this song? I was shocked!

0 comments

Pat Croce: Moving In—10:37 AM

Where was this guy last sitcom season?

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Time To Decide—9:42 AM

This weekend, the public radio show This American Life devoted its hour to that famous, quizzical group: undecided voters. Among the many astonishing realities uncovered on the show, I was surprised by how effective the seemingly silly TV ads have been. One undecided voter who has always voted for a Republican president but really dislikes just about everything Bush has done – and in fact agrees with Kerry on the vast majority of issues – still felt uncomfortable with Kerry because "he's the most liberal Democrat in the Senate." But he couldn't name a single liberal thing Kerry had done. He just had this sense that he was the most liberal Democrat because he'd heard it a lot. Host Ira Glass (who was campaigning for Kerry a little too hard for my taste, but made valid points) explained why that "most liberal" label is misleading, quoting none other than the journal that applied it in the first place. The undecided voter – an intelligent guy who follows politics – said, "Oh. Hm. I guess I'll have to think about that some more." It went back and forth like this for weeks.

The whole episode ("Swing Set") is very fascinating and well worth a listen, available on the This American Life website. But absolutely required listening is the segment by Jack Hitt about the rampant vote tampering that's going on this year. (I'm sure it goes on every year; but this year we know about it. And this year – like 2000 – the vote may be close enough for it to come into play.) Voter suppression, absentee ballot destruction, fraudulent registration, you name it. TAL has split out the Hitt segment as its own file, so you can listen to just that if you're in a hurry. I heartily recommend it. Then, if you're looking for more reasons to throw up your hands at the futility of it all, check out the running tally of dirty tricks at Vote Watch 2004.

1 comment with related links

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